Laina Valentine
Posted: Mon Jun 10, 2024 10:14 pm
The following contains all of Laina's lore notes, journals, etc.
I copied and pasted text from screenshots of each page/paper. I apologise for format issues.
I may edit to reformat properly later.
Newspaper Excerpt (Torn, Part 1)
A few letters and newspaper excerpts are plastered into the final page of the book.
**Tragedy Strikes Local Park: Shooting Leaves 27 Dead, 14
Injured, and a Community in Shock**
NYC PAPER
In a chilling and unexpected turn of events, what was meant to be a serene and cheerful afternoon at the local park turned into a nightmare on Jan 2nd, 1990. A group of assailants unleashed an indiscriminate hail of gunfire, resulting in 27 casualties, as well as 14 others being left injured.
Laina Valentine, a high school student, found herself at…
Newspaper Excerpt (Torn, Part 2)
..at the epicenter of the chaos. She had gathered with her friends for a casual outing at the park, seeking solace in the companionship and simple pleasures. The tranquility shattered the moment gunfire erupted, destroying the peaceful atmosphere and transforming the park into a scene of panic.. and horror.
Eyewitnesses described the attackers as a group that stormed the park, firing upon unsuspecting individuals with reckless abandon. Laina, displaying remarkable courage, attempted to shield and protect her friends from the assailants. Amid the chaos, she and her friend Tanya Lockwood were on the other side of the park, making their way to purchase snacks.
Newspaper Excerpt (Torn, Part 3)
The entire park, once filled with laughter and camaraderie, became a battleground. Gunshots echoed as the attackers continued their ruthless assault. The police intervention struggled to put an eventual end to the violence, but not before the community suffered a profound and lasting impact.
During the subsequent police interrogations, it was revealed that Laina, in an act of self defense, had not only fought off an attacker but tragically shot her own friend, Adrian Thompson, by mistake. More details can be found (marked out)
In another interview with a survivor, Tanya recounted the moment when Laina fought off an attacker (rest of page missing)
——
Goodbye Laina
i dont really know wher to start but i just want to say im sorry. i have to go, i havent been there much for you and feel like i havent been a good boyfriend. things are really messed up now but let me just say i dont want you to worry too much. just always remember the good times we had.
i wish i could be there with you but i can't do this anymore. i have to face this alone, and im sorry but i just do. youre with some good people, theyre better for you than i was. theyre smart and i can tell you care about them and they care about you. you meant everything for me laina, please, take care of yourself. i dont know if ill make it, ijust want you to know that, but please dont worry about me too much. i love you laina
- solomin
(The handwriting is very sloppy)
——
Letter Addressed to Laina (Page 1)
This letter Addressed to Ms. Laina Valentine
RE: Witness Protection Program - New Identity and Relocation
I hope this letter finds you well. We are writing to inform you that due to unforeseen developments related to the recent incidents in your area, as well as the personal threats and attacks, your safety and that of your friends has become a matter of paramount concern for law enforcement.
After careful consideration and assessment of the potential risks, it has been decided that the Witness Protection Program is the most suitable course of action to ensure your security. As part of this program, you will be…
Letter Addressed to Laina (Page 2)
…with a new identity to protect you from any potential threats stemming from your involvement at Upper East Side, January 2nd.
Your cooperation is crucial for the success of this program.
We have arranged for your relocation to a secure location in Kentucky, where you wil be provided with the necessary support, people and resources to rebuild your life.
Please be advised that the new identity will come with specific guidelines and restrictions to maintain your safety, if you choose to accept the offer. We understand the challenges this may pose, but it is a critical measure in the process. For any questions or concerns, a dedicated case manager will be assigned to assist you thro
(The rest of the page is torn off.)
——
~~ Ina's Photo Album!! ~~
A picture of Laina and Solomin on their first date. The both of them are smiling extremely brightly, and the two of them are wearing matching outfits.
~~ Our first date <3, July 2nd 1991 ~~ (in a calligraphy font) ^
~~ Visited Cat with some chocolates 3 days later!!~~
A cute and stylized collage of all photos of Solomin and Laina with each other's families, contains around 10 different large photos, making up the rest of the page.
~~ July 23rd, 1991 ~~ Family Gatherings!! ~~ ^
~~ Ina's Photo Album!! ~~
Laina and Solomin going to homecoming. Laina wears a long, purple dress and Solomin dons a shiny purple suit. There are also a few more photos of Laina with friends - and a photo of Laina, Solo and Cat's sister at the hospital visiting Cat with a cake.
~~ Solo and I going to our first dance together ~ best day of my life! September 2nd, 1991 <3 ~~ ^
Pictures taken at Solomin's birthday party. Laina and Solomin both wear disco styled outfits.
~~ Solomin's birthday! Disco themed! September 26th, 1991
~~ ^
~~ Ina's Photo Album!! ~~
Laina and Solomin at the park having brunch. Laina wears a long flower dress and Solo wears a short sleeved name brand shirt and baggy jeans.
~~ Solo and I having lunch at the park. November 29th, 1991 ~~ ^
Laina and Solo spending Christmas together, both wearing matching christmas pajamas. They are alongside a couple friends wearing similar attire.
~~ Christmas movie night + double date, December 25th, 1991 ~~ ^
~~ Ina's Photo Album!! ~~
Collage of photos when Laina and Solomin were at a beach.
A couple photos with family as well.
~~ Beach vacation, Panama y Jamaica! Carnival! July 27th, 1992! ~~ ^
Laina and Solo going to another school dance, wearing royalty themed outfits.
~~ Homecoming, royalty themed! September 23rd, 1992! ~~ ^
Laina's birthday party at a bowling and skating area.
~~ My birthday spent with Solo and family! April 28th, 1993 ~~ ^
~~ Ina's Photo Album !! ~~
Para mi amor, Solomin
En este mundo no seria feliz
Si no te tengo junto a mi
Es que se llena de mucho dolor
Toda mi alma solo de pensar Que un día no estarás
Son tus ojitos los que me van a alumbrar
Y es porque al amarte, yo siento una paz
Le doy gracias a divino porque te conocí
Y porque aun estas conmigo
Porque pude nacer muy cerca de ti
Y así pude entender que si estás aquí
Ay todo yo puedo lograrlo
Te amo, tu sabes que te amo, te amo, sin ti yo no podría estar, te amo, una y mil veces mas, te amo.
~~ Ina's Photo Album !! ~~
Escuchan mi voz
Cuando yo digo que todos que rodean me
Quieren ocultar mi voz
Esta voz bella pero no van a poder
Las palabras mías son lindas
Por si pongo mi confianza en mi divino
Y no hay a parrarme
Allá dentro sentado piensa como escapar
Porque en una situación perdió mi libertad
Estoy una chica, estaba herida del barrio
Dime, dime si crees que es justo
Hacer sufrir a la madre que te trajo a este mundo
Porque queriste matar
Porque te lo cobra el gobierno cuando estás encerrado
~~ Ina's Photo Album !! ~~
Tengo miedo porque mi amiga esta enferma
No quiero que la maten, rezo y lloro para que ella sobreviva
Rezo para que ella vea a otro día y este conmigo
Y para que mis amigos están bien
Estoy asustada para mi amiga
Porque ella es no bueno porque ella puede estar muriendo
Por favor no mueres mi amiga
Por favor, porque quiero que estes bien.
Estoy sufriendo vivir en este mundo
Con los muertos, yo no puedo hacerlo
Pero voy a vivir, para mi amiga y mi novio y su familia
Para ellos, voy a vivir
Mi amiga necesita tener medicina
Luchando por vivir en su oficina
~~ Ina's Photo Album!! ~~
Muchas veces soñaba que un asesino
Me quería matar
Y yo corría
Porque el con mi vida me quería acabar
Cada vez que tengo este sueño
Quiero terminar con todo
Cada vez que sueño con esto
Se vuelve más difícil correr
(Torn and pasted in. It is not in Laina's Handwriting)
~~Just something I liked!
Los muertos quieren traerme, pero en cuanto llegue a casa
Te doy amor, pide perdón por todas las cosas que hice
Lastimaron, debe haber sido muy difícil sacrificarlo todo por tu hija.
~~ Ina's Photo Album !! ~~
¿Sabes como difícil que es vivir?
En el mundo, yo no puedo ahora
Cuando el necesita pedir
Y no poder ayudar
Lo siento
Ella no es enferma
Gracias por ayudarme con mi amiga
Ella no es enferma por más tiempo
Ella me dice que ella está enferma otra vez
Ella me dice que ella está muriendo
Ella me dice que Pearl tiene amor para ella
Y que no quiere lastimarla Pearl, y no puede amar
Yo digo a ella, necesitas hacerlo antes de que sea tarde
~~ Ina's Photo Album !! ~~
No fue feliz a escoger una nombre nueva
Ir a lugar nueva
Pasar tiempo con amigos nuevas
Y conocer personas nuevas
Pero soy cansada
El pone sus manos sobre de ella ayer
Traigo mucho dolor para ella
Y los demás, y yo también, para ella y su hermano
Personas fue a la casa, queriendo ayudarlo
Pero después una bomba cerca de detonar
No solo una guerra, porque una chica se llama Katy
Ella habla de war, pero
Me hace recordar a cuando ellos fueron feliz
Quiero traerlo a la casa otra vez
——
Apologies
To my family,
I just want you all to know how much I care for you all. I never meant the pain and hardship I brought to our family. I never listened to you all and I should ve. I never accepted your help and I know I could've used it. Mom, Dad, Noelle, Ty, all of you. I love you more than words could ever express. I love you all so much and I never meant anything! said. I wish I said it more, but I was just hurting. I hope you are all okay, and happy. Alive and well. I miss you all so much. I wish I could see your beautiful faces again. I'm so sorry. I know how much you all suffered because of me. The sleepless nights you all spent trying to protect us. I wish I could've been a better daughter. I miss you all so much. I love you.
Apologies
To Adrian,
I never meant to hurt you, Adrian. I cared about you so much. I never meant to hurt anyone. I couldn't wish harm on anyone, not even the men who took all those lives that day. If I could go back and bring everyone I wanted that day back to life, I would bring them back too. I didn't mean any of it. I was scared, so very scared. When the man was attacking you and Jane, I was trying to help and I found an opening. I picked it up and I just shot. I killed that poor man. And I shot you. I didn't know what to do, seeing you like that. The blood pooling around you, staining everything I had on. You couldn't even make a sound, Adrian. You tried, you wanted to scream, but you couldn't.
When we were in the hospital I asked my nurse to let me see
Apologies
you, but that made it worse. Seeing you in such terrible condition, knowing I caused you to be that way, I couldn't even look at myself. And then all the times I had to see your parents suffer, screaming and crying because of me.. they said things, but I know they didn't mean it. The way they looked at me. I took their precious son away. I took the life of my own friend. And then people started coming after my family. They almost took Ky, and I was too weak to even visit him, Adrian, I couldn't even write a card for him.
Adrian, I am so, so sorry.. I never wanted to hurt you. Not a day goes by I don't miss you. I regret it, so, so much. If! could take it back, I would. I would swap places with you, instantly. I'm sorry.
Apologies
To Solomin,
I never got to say goodbye to you. I never got to tell you how much you meant to me, and I know I wasn't always good to you, and I know we fought, and I'm sorry. So much left unsaid. I hope you knew how deeply I loved you, Solo, how much I loved you. Not a day goes by I don't regret acting the way I did. I hate myself for it. I promise I wasn't mad, I wasn't trying to seem that way, just didn't know how to.. Solo, I'm sorry, so, so, so sorry. I miss you every day and I will forever. I am going to miss you every day for the rest of my life. I will always love you, Solomin.
Apologies To Rocco,
I am sorry for not being there for you. I can't explain it Rocco, seeing a gun, holding a gun, hearing a gun, I just freeze. I can't do it. Memories, painful, painful memories and thoughts I wouldn't wish on anyone just flood into my mind to the point I'm not even present anymore. It's not only emotional pain, Rocco, it's almost like I'm physically in pain. I had just woken up and I heard your voice. I was going to say hi, but the gunshots came. I don't even remember what happened next, really, the whole day was terrible. The fear, Rocco, I'm sorry... I was paralyzed. I was sitting around like a vegetable while you needed me. Rocco, I'm sorry. I hope you will forgive me. Rocco, you were so kind to me.
And | couldn't even be there that once for you. I miss you.
Apologies
To Cat,
I wish I could be there for you more. I can barely imagine a world without you. I know you're sick and I know it's getting worse, Cat, I wish I could help you. I want to support you, I don't want to see you go. And I'm sorry for causing you so much pain. so many times I could've been there for you alone and I wasn't. And I'm sorry for bringing up Fiona, Cat. I love you. I'm sorry for everything.
To Pearl,
I know you suffered, Pearl. I watched you go through so much, Pearl. I can't help but feel I caused your death… when you tried to do the ritual, all the blood, I panicked. I wasn't there for you, Pearl. I'm sorry.
Apologies
To my group,
Katy, Rick, Abe, Trish, Evan, Cat,
I'm so terribly sorry for constantly not being there. I just sit down and constantly think about how y'all go around and look for supplies. Even do stuff around here, simple stuff, stuff| could do. But I don't. I feel like such dead weight.
Nothing would change around here if I died, would it?
There wouldn't be a 'take over Laina's job,' would there be?
No. I see you all work so hard, fighting to keep us all alive, surviving, and I just sit at home doing nothing, having my friends, family, even do the simplest of shit for me. Hell, even building me a house for me to take up more of their space, and for what? I've done nothing to deserve that, l'm
Apologies
worthless. Powerless. In any situation just freeze up, panic, and start crying and screaming. It's so painful, I wish I could be better than this. I wish I had something to give you all, but I don't. I don't have anything. I don't know what to do. It's keeping me back, which holds you all back.
It's pathetic.. There's not even much I'm good at, either. I can't imagine the day y'all go missing and need my help. I wouldn't be there. I can't even survive without someone else beside me pulling me around like some kid in a toy wagon, someone helping me. I just imagine if someone had a gun to one of y'alls heads, and I had to do something to save you all.. we would all be dead. I'm nothing. I'm so sorry for being this way, l wish I could change it, and I'll try to, but I don't know how. I love you all so much. I'm sorry.
——
I copied and pasted text from screenshots of each page/paper. I apologise for format issues.
I may edit to reformat properly later.
Newspaper Excerpt (Torn, Part 1)
A few letters and newspaper excerpts are plastered into the final page of the book.
**Tragedy Strikes Local Park: Shooting Leaves 27 Dead, 14
Injured, and a Community in Shock**
NYC PAPER
In a chilling and unexpected turn of events, what was meant to be a serene and cheerful afternoon at the local park turned into a nightmare on Jan 2nd, 1990. A group of assailants unleashed an indiscriminate hail of gunfire, resulting in 27 casualties, as well as 14 others being left injured.
Laina Valentine, a high school student, found herself at…
Newspaper Excerpt (Torn, Part 2)
..at the epicenter of the chaos. She had gathered with her friends for a casual outing at the park, seeking solace in the companionship and simple pleasures. The tranquility shattered the moment gunfire erupted, destroying the peaceful atmosphere and transforming the park into a scene of panic.. and horror.
Eyewitnesses described the attackers as a group that stormed the park, firing upon unsuspecting individuals with reckless abandon. Laina, displaying remarkable courage, attempted to shield and protect her friends from the assailants. Amid the chaos, she and her friend Tanya Lockwood were on the other side of the park, making their way to purchase snacks.
Newspaper Excerpt (Torn, Part 3)
The entire park, once filled with laughter and camaraderie, became a battleground. Gunshots echoed as the attackers continued their ruthless assault. The police intervention struggled to put an eventual end to the violence, but not before the community suffered a profound and lasting impact.
During the subsequent police interrogations, it was revealed that Laina, in an act of self defense, had not only fought off an attacker but tragically shot her own friend, Adrian Thompson, by mistake. More details can be found (marked out)
In another interview with a survivor, Tanya recounted the moment when Laina fought off an attacker (rest of page missing)
——
Goodbye Laina
i dont really know wher to start but i just want to say im sorry. i have to go, i havent been there much for you and feel like i havent been a good boyfriend. things are really messed up now but let me just say i dont want you to worry too much. just always remember the good times we had.
i wish i could be there with you but i can't do this anymore. i have to face this alone, and im sorry but i just do. youre with some good people, theyre better for you than i was. theyre smart and i can tell you care about them and they care about you. you meant everything for me laina, please, take care of yourself. i dont know if ill make it, ijust want you to know that, but please dont worry about me too much. i love you laina
- solomin
(The handwriting is very sloppy)
——
Letter Addressed to Laina (Page 1)
This letter Addressed to Ms. Laina Valentine
RE: Witness Protection Program - New Identity and Relocation
I hope this letter finds you well. We are writing to inform you that due to unforeseen developments related to the recent incidents in your area, as well as the personal threats and attacks, your safety and that of your friends has become a matter of paramount concern for law enforcement.
After careful consideration and assessment of the potential risks, it has been decided that the Witness Protection Program is the most suitable course of action to ensure your security. As part of this program, you will be…
Letter Addressed to Laina (Page 2)
…with a new identity to protect you from any potential threats stemming from your involvement at Upper East Side, January 2nd.
Your cooperation is crucial for the success of this program.
We have arranged for your relocation to a secure location in Kentucky, where you wil be provided with the necessary support, people and resources to rebuild your life.
Please be advised that the new identity will come with specific guidelines and restrictions to maintain your safety, if you choose to accept the offer. We understand the challenges this may pose, but it is a critical measure in the process. For any questions or concerns, a dedicated case manager will be assigned to assist you thro
(The rest of the page is torn off.)
——
~~ Ina's Photo Album!! ~~
A picture of Laina and Solomin on their first date. The both of them are smiling extremely brightly, and the two of them are wearing matching outfits.
~~ Our first date <3, July 2nd 1991 ~~ (in a calligraphy font) ^
~~ Visited Cat with some chocolates 3 days later!!~~
A cute and stylized collage of all photos of Solomin and Laina with each other's families, contains around 10 different large photos, making up the rest of the page.
~~ July 23rd, 1991 ~~ Family Gatherings!! ~~ ^
~~ Ina's Photo Album!! ~~
Laina and Solomin going to homecoming. Laina wears a long, purple dress and Solomin dons a shiny purple suit. There are also a few more photos of Laina with friends - and a photo of Laina, Solo and Cat's sister at the hospital visiting Cat with a cake.
~~ Solo and I going to our first dance together ~ best day of my life! September 2nd, 1991 <3 ~~ ^
Pictures taken at Solomin's birthday party. Laina and Solomin both wear disco styled outfits.
~~ Solomin's birthday! Disco themed! September 26th, 1991
~~ ^~~ Ina's Photo Album!! ~~
Laina and Solomin at the park having brunch. Laina wears a long flower dress and Solo wears a short sleeved name brand shirt and baggy jeans.
~~ Solo and I having lunch at the park. November 29th, 1991 ~~ ^
Laina and Solo spending Christmas together, both wearing matching christmas pajamas. They are alongside a couple friends wearing similar attire.
~~ Christmas movie night + double date, December 25th, 1991 ~~ ^
~~ Ina's Photo Album!! ~~
Collage of photos when Laina and Solomin were at a beach.
A couple photos with family as well.
~~ Beach vacation, Panama y Jamaica! Carnival! July 27th, 1992! ~~ ^
Laina and Solo going to another school dance, wearing royalty themed outfits.
~~ Homecoming, royalty themed! September 23rd, 1992! ~~ ^
Laina's birthday party at a bowling and skating area.
~~ My birthday spent with Solo and family! April 28th, 1993 ~~ ^
~~ Ina's Photo Album !! ~~
Para mi amor, Solomin
En este mundo no seria feliz
Si no te tengo junto a mi
Es que se llena de mucho dolor
Toda mi alma solo de pensar Que un día no estarás
Son tus ojitos los que me van a alumbrar
Y es porque al amarte, yo siento una paz
Le doy gracias a divino porque te conocí
Y porque aun estas conmigo
Porque pude nacer muy cerca de ti
Y así pude entender que si estás aquí
Ay todo yo puedo lograrlo
Te amo, tu sabes que te amo, te amo, sin ti yo no podría estar, te amo, una y mil veces mas, te amo.
~~ Ina's Photo Album !! ~~
Escuchan mi voz
Cuando yo digo que todos que rodean me
Quieren ocultar mi voz
Esta voz bella pero no van a poder
Las palabras mías son lindas
Por si pongo mi confianza en mi divino
Y no hay a parrarme
Allá dentro sentado piensa como escapar
Porque en una situación perdió mi libertad
Estoy una chica, estaba herida del barrio
Dime, dime si crees que es justo
Hacer sufrir a la madre que te trajo a este mundo
Porque queriste matar
Porque te lo cobra el gobierno cuando estás encerrado
~~ Ina's Photo Album !! ~~
Tengo miedo porque mi amiga esta enferma
No quiero que la maten, rezo y lloro para que ella sobreviva
Rezo para que ella vea a otro día y este conmigo
Y para que mis amigos están bien
Estoy asustada para mi amiga
Porque ella es no bueno porque ella puede estar muriendo
Por favor no mueres mi amiga
Por favor, porque quiero que estes bien.
Estoy sufriendo vivir en este mundo
Con los muertos, yo no puedo hacerlo
Pero voy a vivir, para mi amiga y mi novio y su familia
Para ellos, voy a vivir
Mi amiga necesita tener medicina
Luchando por vivir en su oficina
~~ Ina's Photo Album!! ~~
Muchas veces soñaba que un asesino
Me quería matar
Y yo corría
Porque el con mi vida me quería acabar
Cada vez que tengo este sueño
Quiero terminar con todo
Cada vez que sueño con esto
Se vuelve más difícil correr
(Torn and pasted in. It is not in Laina's Handwriting)
~~Just something I liked!
Los muertos quieren traerme, pero en cuanto llegue a casa
Te doy amor, pide perdón por todas las cosas que hice
Lastimaron, debe haber sido muy difícil sacrificarlo todo por tu hija.
~~ Ina's Photo Album !! ~~
¿Sabes como difícil que es vivir?
En el mundo, yo no puedo ahora
Cuando el necesita pedir
Y no poder ayudar
Lo siento
Ella no es enferma
Gracias por ayudarme con mi amiga
Ella no es enferma por más tiempo
Ella me dice que ella está enferma otra vez
Ella me dice que ella está muriendo
Ella me dice que Pearl tiene amor para ella
Y que no quiere lastimarla Pearl, y no puede amar
Yo digo a ella, necesitas hacerlo antes de que sea tarde
~~ Ina's Photo Album !! ~~
No fue feliz a escoger una nombre nueva
Ir a lugar nueva
Pasar tiempo con amigos nuevas
Y conocer personas nuevas
Pero soy cansada
El pone sus manos sobre de ella ayer
Traigo mucho dolor para ella
Y los demás, y yo también, para ella y su hermano
Personas fue a la casa, queriendo ayudarlo
Pero después una bomba cerca de detonar
No solo una guerra, porque una chica se llama Katy
Ella habla de war, pero
Me hace recordar a cuando ellos fueron feliz
Quiero traerlo a la casa otra vez
——
Apologies
To my family,
I just want you all to know how much I care for you all. I never meant the pain and hardship I brought to our family. I never listened to you all and I should ve. I never accepted your help and I know I could've used it. Mom, Dad, Noelle, Ty, all of you. I love you more than words could ever express. I love you all so much and I never meant anything! said. I wish I said it more, but I was just hurting. I hope you are all okay, and happy. Alive and well. I miss you all so much. I wish I could see your beautiful faces again. I'm so sorry. I know how much you all suffered because of me. The sleepless nights you all spent trying to protect us. I wish I could've been a better daughter. I miss you all so much. I love you.
Apologies
To Adrian,
I never meant to hurt you, Adrian. I cared about you so much. I never meant to hurt anyone. I couldn't wish harm on anyone, not even the men who took all those lives that day. If I could go back and bring everyone I wanted that day back to life, I would bring them back too. I didn't mean any of it. I was scared, so very scared. When the man was attacking you and Jane, I was trying to help and I found an opening. I picked it up and I just shot. I killed that poor man. And I shot you. I didn't know what to do, seeing you like that. The blood pooling around you, staining everything I had on. You couldn't even make a sound, Adrian. You tried, you wanted to scream, but you couldn't.
When we were in the hospital I asked my nurse to let me see
Apologies
you, but that made it worse. Seeing you in such terrible condition, knowing I caused you to be that way, I couldn't even look at myself. And then all the times I had to see your parents suffer, screaming and crying because of me.. they said things, but I know they didn't mean it. The way they looked at me. I took their precious son away. I took the life of my own friend. And then people started coming after my family. They almost took Ky, and I was too weak to even visit him, Adrian, I couldn't even write a card for him.
Adrian, I am so, so sorry.. I never wanted to hurt you. Not a day goes by I don't miss you. I regret it, so, so much. If! could take it back, I would. I would swap places with you, instantly. I'm sorry.
Apologies
To Solomin,
I never got to say goodbye to you. I never got to tell you how much you meant to me, and I know I wasn't always good to you, and I know we fought, and I'm sorry. So much left unsaid. I hope you knew how deeply I loved you, Solo, how much I loved you. Not a day goes by I don't regret acting the way I did. I hate myself for it. I promise I wasn't mad, I wasn't trying to seem that way, just didn't know how to.. Solo, I'm sorry, so, so, so sorry. I miss you every day and I will forever. I am going to miss you every day for the rest of my life. I will always love you, Solomin.
Apologies To Rocco,
I am sorry for not being there for you. I can't explain it Rocco, seeing a gun, holding a gun, hearing a gun, I just freeze. I can't do it. Memories, painful, painful memories and thoughts I wouldn't wish on anyone just flood into my mind to the point I'm not even present anymore. It's not only emotional pain, Rocco, it's almost like I'm physically in pain. I had just woken up and I heard your voice. I was going to say hi, but the gunshots came. I don't even remember what happened next, really, the whole day was terrible. The fear, Rocco, I'm sorry... I was paralyzed. I was sitting around like a vegetable while you needed me. Rocco, I'm sorry. I hope you will forgive me. Rocco, you were so kind to me.
And | couldn't even be there that once for you. I miss you.
Apologies
To Cat,
I wish I could be there for you more. I can barely imagine a world without you. I know you're sick and I know it's getting worse, Cat, I wish I could help you. I want to support you, I don't want to see you go. And I'm sorry for causing you so much pain. so many times I could've been there for you alone and I wasn't. And I'm sorry for bringing up Fiona, Cat. I love you. I'm sorry for everything.
To Pearl,
I know you suffered, Pearl. I watched you go through so much, Pearl. I can't help but feel I caused your death… when you tried to do the ritual, all the blood, I panicked. I wasn't there for you, Pearl. I'm sorry.
Apologies
To my group,
Katy, Rick, Abe, Trish, Evan, Cat,
I'm so terribly sorry for constantly not being there. I just sit down and constantly think about how y'all go around and look for supplies. Even do stuff around here, simple stuff, stuff| could do. But I don't. I feel like such dead weight.
Nothing would change around here if I died, would it?
There wouldn't be a 'take over Laina's job,' would there be?
No. I see you all work so hard, fighting to keep us all alive, surviving, and I just sit at home doing nothing, having my friends, family, even do the simplest of shit for me. Hell, even building me a house for me to take up more of their space, and for what? I've done nothing to deserve that, l'm
Apologies
worthless. Powerless. In any situation just freeze up, panic, and start crying and screaming. It's so painful, I wish I could be better than this. I wish I had something to give you all, but I don't. I don't have anything. I don't know what to do. It's keeping me back, which holds you all back.
It's pathetic.. There's not even much I'm good at, either. I can't imagine the day y'all go missing and need my help. I wouldn't be there. I can't even survive without someone else beside me pulling me around like some kid in a toy wagon, someone helping me. I just imagine if someone had a gun to one of y'alls heads, and I had to do something to save you all.. we would all be dead. I'm nothing. I'm so sorry for being this way, l wish I could change it, and I'll try to, but I don't know how. I love you all so much. I'm sorry.
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