If you are reading this, you are either a burglar or I'm dead. I am Gordon Harold Stalworth and I have been surviving in this hellscape for a few weeks. I am probably luckier then I ever have been, I have good neighbors, but nothing outside of that other than the endless water.
Only thing I wish I had was someone I felt comfortable sharing my issues with.
I took a large break to process this. I wish I had a car, maybe I could see other people, and not be confined to my home.
Muldragh would be where I go, the train station could be cool, who knows.
Heard there was a group at the military checkpoint, military group. Somebody was talking about it over the radio. Wonder if they are the people who did it. Further investigation needed.
08/26/1993
Got my generator working, Neighbors fixed me up a car.
Almost ready to head out for a bit.
08/27/1993
Shoe is dead, I made a new friend named Magnolias but... Shoe is dead, I need time to grieve and I don't know what to do.
A crude drawing of a man with dreads and black clothes below
08/29/1993
I went on a camping trip out to Muldragh, Apperantly the place I'm at a ranch, when I asked over the radio that is what they called it, grave next to it and a TON of cooking pots with water. Further updates in a few days.
09/14/1993
Sorry for not updating for a bit, the people over there were great, other than their uncle. Chase I didnt get to know, all I know is his name cause everyone says it. And Waylon is great! Probably gonna head over there some day.
Then I met Magnolias or "Mag" I see him as some sort of son. He's a really nice guy, we met at a farm a few days back. Sweet guy. Got a new member here on a looting run, havent got his name yet, nice guy so far. Mag also got me an LBMW van, I fixed it up and its great! More updates in a few days.
09/25/1993
I-I had to do something... I'm not proud of it... I hate this! I loved Mag... So fucking much... He got bit, on our way to help Waylon. I-I... I had to put a bullet through his head. I saw him as-as a son... I, I miss him So much.
I buried him at T-The river... where I shot him I-I mis him... I love him... I have almost nothing left of him... I cant get my mind off of it... I just have nothing to look forward to in life without him.
He-He was so innocent, I wanted to teach him what I've found out in my life. I never got a good chance to do that. I at least have my neighbors. Vicki, Chuck, Al and Biff have been nice. I can get through this... I-I hope...
the whole page is stained with tears
10/19/1993
That guy Chase, does a good job. He H-Helped me through this time, letting e know that they would have wanted me to... Keep going.
Also, that farming store in Ekron. Good stuff, lots of guns and seeds
This is a recorded log
"January sixteenth, Nineteen Ninety Four"
"Haven't updated this in a while. So, I'll fill everyone in. I hosted a Christmas party, met someone named Max and their jackass of a "friend" named Vic. Met a guy named Joel and he died. Met a guy named Lucas, probably died."
"On the bright side, I got new housemates! Stanford, Will and Frank, Frank thought he was bitten. He wasnt. I found him by listening into the radio, I had to save him from the Rosewood Prison. Stanford is a nutjob! He think the Bleaks are the VietCong! He thinks I'm a Civilian and everyone else is either a lieutenant or a civilian to him. This ain't war! Its the end of the world!"
"The Smith guys, Jesse, the drug addicted uncle, Chase the therapist and Waylon the... Well probably the one I'm closest to. They got new family members. I dunno their names but their nice!"
"End Log"
This Is Another Recorded Log
"January Twenty Third, Nineteen Ninety Four."
"I... I was listening in... O-On the radio... Waylon is dead... H-He's gone... He was one of the nicest guys I knew. N-Now he's gone... I'm worried about Chase and Jesse."
"Chase doesn't take things well. H-He's a nice guy but when one of his friends died... He was depressed for a long time as Waylon told me... Jesse... Is constantly high on something but... I know he can't be talking this well either. I... I feel like I should give them something... Maybe drop something off... I-I feel sorry for them..."
"End Log... For now"
1/26/1994
Waylon may be dead... Will may be missing... But, I still have a better life than most do... Good neighbors, Good friends. A nice house. Things will be better, eventually... I hope... The house is going on alright! I guess... I got this picture of it, I think it looks neat.
This is a recorded log
"Gordon's Log."
"February Eighteenth, Nineteen Ninety Four."
"I haven't had much to do lately. Found a guy in need of help. Will and Frank are dead... Chase is... Maybe alive... It hasn't been confirmed that he died. I really... REALLY hope that is not the case.
"My neighbors have been calling me Gordo since this started. I don't know why but... They do! In fact I haven't touched on my neighbors much. They are these feller's that worship Neptune. Nice people, I like em. They've been with me since the damn beginning of this whole apocalypse buisness."
"In fact, you ever think this will end someday? Or are we just stuck in an infinite loop of near death experiences... Destined for doom in this eternally damned world. Who knows, maybe rescue will come. We'll be free someday! Even if we it wont change the fact that I'll die soon... I'm fifty nine. I don't have long left in this world. I'm doing the best I can out here. Helping who I can but... Will it ever be worth it? Or will I end up like Mag... Waylon... Robert... Will... Frank... The Kids... Allyssa... Johnny... Dad... Mom... I will be dead soon... Whats the point anymore... I don't even know if I'll live to be sixty at this point..."
"End Log"
This is a recorded log
"Gordon's Log"
"I'm at this place in Riverside. Don't know the name of it but, it's a radio tower. I'm here to... Find Chase. Dead or Alive. I don't care anymore, he's been there for me. I'll be there for him."
"There's some people around here. Zack, Moonshine and Atticus. Atticus gave me a needle a long while back. Moonshine and Zack are BFF's. Moonshine's real nice. Zack... Well I don't know much about him. All I know is that he needs some psychiatric help from Chase. Badly."
"End Log"
03/06/1994
Decided to write this time and not record more on the tapes on the back of the notebook. Found these... Adult... Magazines a few days back. Something called "Barbie no plastic Rear" Ive heard mention of a "Barbie" On the radio. It may be the same person. More investingation needed.
Further idea's, more people have reported having a polaroid of them left outside their house. I got one outside my house back in November. I forgot to mention it in here. Had a picture of me walking into my house. Had my face X'd out and a note written in red. "To old, wouldnt last long" Look at me now you bastard! I made it further than everyone else out here. Hell yeah! The odds are stacked against me... I will prevail! Take that world! I'm surviving!
Max wont reply to my radio messages, begining to be scared for her. Is she alright? What's going on with her. I'll try to make some further advancements.
04/26/1994
Thing's been going on around here. They had a wall built between us and the bleaks. Most people dunno why I call them that. Mostly because their a constant reminder of the bleak reality. Nothing's gonna get better out here.
People don't know too much about me so. All I'll say about myself is. I was born in Louisville with my now deceased father. When he died, moved in with my now deceased adopted mother. Dropped out of college. Got a job at LBMW, got fired, that was embarassing.
Glad the people out here are mostly too young to know about this. Moved to Riverside, had kids, got married. And... I could see it in the military's eye's when we went for help... All of them are dead. Atleast I didn't see it. I flee'd before it happened.
This is a recorded log
The sounds of a river, along with crickets are heard in the background
"May Fourteenth, nineteen ninety four"
"Fuck... Al's gone... Everyone around me is dying. I just don't see a point in living anymore. I'll end up like them too soon."
A long sad sigh is heard
"Who know's who's next on deaths chopping block. Chase? Chuck? Vicki? Jesse? I don't want to live if living is without them..."
Gordon begins to tear up
"Fuck... Barely anything has made me cry before in my life. I just don't know... I don't know how long I'll make it out here. Everyone is dying, Everyone is doomed. I lost everything at the start of this. And I'm losing it all, all over again. Chuckles Yep thats my life! Over and over and over and over and over. It's an endless cycle. I hide my feelings from everyone around me."
He whipes the tears off of his eyes
"Nobody knows how I really feel. Thats part of it! I never give people a clue on hats going on in my lfe. I bottle it all up... I-I can't do this right now..."
"End log"
Recording of Gordon on the guitar
"Alright... push that... Unmute, and..."
Long and deep inhale
"Here goes nothing..."
Long exhale before clearing his throat
Begins playing the first two minutes of the song I'm still standing by Elton John. Seamlessly on an electric guitar with his voice being smoother than it ever has before
"You could never know what its like! Your bloods like winter freezes just like ice! And there's a cold and lonely life that shines from you! And you'll wind up like the wreck you hide behind that mask you use!"
"And did you think this fool could never win! Well look at me I'm a-coming back again! I got a taste of love in a simple way! And if you need to know while I'm stil standing, you just fade away!"
"And don't ya know I'm still standing, better than I ever did! Looking like a true survivor! Feeling like a litte kid! I'm still standing after all this time. Picking up the peces of my life without you on my mind!"
"I'm still standing, yeah yeah yeah. I'm still standing, yeah yeah yeah. Once I never coulda hoped to win! You're starting down the road leaving me again! The threats ya made were meant to cut me down. If our love was just a circus, you'd be a clown by now!"
"Ya know, I'm still standing better than I ever did! Looking like a true survivor! Feeling like a little kid. I'm still standing after all this time! Picking up the peices of my life without you on my mind!"
"I'm still standing, yeah yeah yeah. I'm still standing! Yeah yeah yeah!"
He finishes the part of the song he was playing and inhales slowly
"Was that alright? Sure hope so... First time I've played in a year! I spent thrity years of my life learing all the main instruments. Hope that all paid off."
"Thank you kindly children of neptune for this beutiful electric guitar! I uhm... Hope that was alright..." A bit of a nervous chuckle "G'night people."